Okay...so I'm a sellout.
So I've finally caved to the pressure.
I'm going back to work.
I know...I have been working ever since the babes were six months old, albiet only alternate on call weekends, but I mean I'm really going back to work. Full time.
I've been kicking this idea around since the babes were about a year old. When they were infants, I felt so needed...like they really couldn't do without me. Now I feel like only a close second to Elmo. Now I know what you all are saying - the same things I said a year ago. "But staying with them is the most important and rewarding job you will ever have." I think that was true until about three months ago, but when it became apparent that the most challenging aspect of my day was how to get a catsup stain out of a size 18 month t-shirt, well thats when I caved.
You see...I never intended on being a stay at home mommie. I always pictured myself as a career kinda gal. Sure, I would have taken some time off even if I had only had a singleton...but I think that would have maxed at about six months...Definately after 15 months (when you hit the tantrum ages). Any other stay at home muma out there will agree with me - there are really, really great days...but then there are really, really bad ones. On those great days I feel like I could do this forever...but on those bad ones I feel like I'm losing my mind. I guess the highs and lows finally caught up with me. I've never been a roller coster gal.
I also really love what I do. No really, I do. I am aware that there are people out there who would find that highly disturbing, but the human body and its functions/malfunctions has always been a source of facination with me. Look at it this way - the human body is like an extremely complex high performance machine...and think of all of the guys out there who devote all of their time to worshipping at the alter of Porsche! So maybe what I do is a bit more messy, and definately far more stinky, but basically it's the same deal...we're just trying to figure out what made the engine blow, or why the tranny burned out...the list goes on.
So...I'm expecting it not to be the easiest transition, and I am fully prepared for the mommie gulit, but I really think that this is the best fit for us. We have found an incredible environment for our children, and I think I am cautiously optomistic about their transition. In a way, I really do believe that they will thrive in their learning center - and the extra socialization is always good for twins. Maybe I am just trying to deal with the guilt - but I don't think so.
Anyways...thats what you all are for.